"Not a Wish-granting Factory"

....world is.

Do you ever think about this? When you suddenly imagine how things would be so much different if you were put in the different place, rather than the place you're in right now. How things would be so much different, if you chosen a different decision, rather than the one you've decided before. 

This is exactly the thing I'm thinking of, right now. Which successfully tears me down.

 

I was in the middle of working on my college assignments, and thinking how boring it actually is. Not just boring, really. I am trapped in these. Trapped among these stuff I try my best on, even tho when I don't feel like it. Every single day, same thing, different day. For the sake of surviving. For the sake of high GPA, I might say, because I ain't being a hypocrite now. For the sake of working out for the best. For the sake of not wasting all of the struggles in the end. I am not blaming the situation, the fate, or even God. No. I am just sitting here feeling sad and sucks because of all the buried possibilities and dreams I used to have. Now I feel like losing them.

What I miss the most is how it felt like, to grab the brushes and dip em in the colors, or to grab the pencil and started to sketch and doodle and design. If I were a fashion design student maybe I'll be at home, working on some sample of fabrics and Pantone color guide and draw clothes, not histology, phytography, anatomy, invertebrates, fungi, and lichen, micro algae and so on. If I were a traveller, I might be somewhere on the other part of the world, taking pictures of me with lion cubs, taking pictures of the world I've never seen before my eyes, or even saving the trees and primates.

Sounded like an ungrateful brat, didn't I? Pardon me, but I had no intention of stating in a such way, because I hate it when people complain ungratefully either. I am just being honest at least to myself. And I'm losing my grip tonight. Because it is okay not to be okay sometimes, even tho it feels so pathetic inside to be not okay.

My only hope is to get these stuff done. Fairly, perfectly, in the end. 

I wanna know what awaits me outside the end of this tunnel.

[Saturday, 09:30ish P.M]